Flashback: 22nd November 2007
“I feel like i have a lot of things to say tonight but i’m just stumped. I dont know how to start. I dont know how to say it without sounding stupid or annoying someone. I feel dumb & a little sad that at the age of 19, i still have trouble defining myself. Like i havent discovered myself yet. It’s a strange feeling to suddenly realise this. I still dont know what i want to do with my life. I dont have anything that i’m truly passionate about. I have no drive to do anything in my life.
Also, i dont know if i can survive on my own. I get very defensive abt it and i tell ppl that i can survive but rly, i’m not so sure now. I dont like talking abt leaving because honestly i am scared, rly scared. So i just pretend (srsly i need a new coping mechanism) and pray that the day wont come so soon. My parents get annoyed sometimes because they think i dont care enough but i do. I’m just scared. I know that there’s SKYPE & MSN and all those kinda things but it wont be the same. I realised the other day, that the one thing that makes me really sad is that the people here (family&friends) will move on with their lives and then they’ll have new memories. New memories that i WONT be a part of. And that kinda sucks a little. RAAAAAAAH. I dont wanna go. :( But this will be gd for me. Right? Oh well.
Ok, so i think i’m done. Maybe i’ll write another one tmr. HAHA.
Toodles.”
i’m so glad i have all these things written down. i was really scared. 2007 was definitely a rough year. but it was also when hb & i just started dating. good times. :)
